


I'm Sorry For Kissing You On Ambien

by godzillais



Category: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VIII, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Real World, Everyone is OOC sorry, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, MIGHT BE TRIGGERING, Mental Health Issues, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Trans Male Character, fight me, its just a mention, sephiroth is a good guy in this okay, two of them really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-03-31 03:38:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13966539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godzillais/pseuds/godzillais
Summary: Two twenty-somethings living with their respective brothers fall in love in the small city of Burlington, Vermont all while battling near-crippling mental health issues.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Switches from Axel to Roxas' point of view every chapter. In progress of being written, updates may be sporadic.

Mornings weren’t always good. Waking up in a group home was never good, there was always some sort of noise going on that was aggravating and unnecessary. Like someone yelling about their lotion being missing or someone being loud.

There was also the awful part of being woken up like it was time for school every morning by a staff member. I’m 23 but I’m still treated like I’m 13. Of course, I was awake anyway, but no one needs to know that. 

My already open door is knocked on pushing it open even more. I have my back facing the door and I’m looking out the window towards the large field that is the group home’s backyard. “Axel…” The voice trails off. “Time to get up.” Despite this being the day I finally get to leave this place I still get woken up in time for morning meeting.

Like I’m going to get the point towards the afternoon activity anyway. “I’ll be right down,” I mumble so that the staff member will leave me alone. 

I’ve been here for a year, living like a caged animal. Of course they had to cage me, I was going to hurt someone...myself probably. God forbid I hurt myself. I roll over in bed and face my bedside table with a picture of my family on it. Back when I was a child and Reno was a teenager and Mom and Dad still loved each other. 

Ariel, my loving mother, just had to spread that love to someone else’s family. Eric, my father had abandoned us not too long after that picture was taken. Reno had moved out with his friends and I had lost contact. I was dragged along and treated like dirt by my new step-family. 

Of course, Ariel always wondered what triggered my schizophrenia. Probably being raped by my step-father had something to do with it. 

I sigh and slam the glass-less frame down on the drawer. Reno had stepped in after mom called him begging to take care of me. It was his responsibility she said. Family came first she said. So every week Reno was driving from Burlington, Vermont all the way down to the Massachusetts border to visit me and have family therapy. Sometimes he brought his partner Rude. 

I didn’t know Reno was gay, but I guess it made sense. All I remembered of Reno was a wild teen who drank too much and got stoned all the time. I wondered what kind of house he was keeping, what he and his partner Rude were like outside of the therapist office. 

Was he still wild? He looked it sometimes. Coming in wearing a jean jacket with patches all over it and his wild hair spiked back with a long rats tail. Skinny jeans and Doc Martens. I would be finding out today at any rate. 

All of my bags are all packed and ready to go downstairs. You aren’t allowed to keep a lot of stuff that’s deemed unnecessary in a group home. I didn’t have DVD’s or CD’s, I didn’t have a laptop. My phone always had to be charged downstairs in the nurse's office. I only owned a few softcover books, since I could hurt someone with a hardcover book apparently. I had some clothes, no belt, slip on shoes for when I went to the hospital. No jewelry. 

When I open my door my best friend Demyx is standing there with his wide puppy eyes looking at me. “Don’t go!” He says latching onto my shoulders. “I’ll miss you too much.” 

I pat his back lightly, “Dem, you’re leaving in like a week.” 

He nods, “You can wait until after that!” 

I smirk at him, “What don’t want to be the oldest member?” When he pouts I laugh at him and pull away. “Help me with my bags.” 

I’m waiting downstairs in the living room when Reno’s SUV pulls into the parking lot. He knocks on the door and is let in by a staff member. He comes over and we hug awkwardly. Rude comes in next and raises his eyebrows at me. Rude is a strange man, always wearing sunglasses. Makes me think he’s hiding something. 

“Ready to go?” Reno asks. 

I like that I’m slightly taller than my brother. If not by much. It makes me feel...powerful. Though I’m sure he could still beat me in a fight. 

“Yeah,” I mumble. Rude and Ren grab my bags without letting me take anything but my too light backpack. I get one final hug from Demyx who skips out of the last group just in time to see me leaving. 

I sit in the back of their SUV as they load my bags. They argue a bit about the placement and when they’re done I see Rude lean down and kiss Reno lightly. This seems to calm both of them down. 

I’m kind of jealous of my brother, especially when I see Rude grab his outstretched hand when he gets in the car. They hold hands nearly the entire way up the highway until Rude asks if I want some lunch. 

We should be getting close to Burlington. It’s been two hours already and I’m sick of listening to the same dumb songs I bought on my iPod. I’ve listened to them too many times to count. Demyx and I texted for a little while until his phone died and that was over with. 

Rude pulls off an exit and we stop at a McDonalds drive through. “Order whatever Axel,” Rude says as we wait in line. I get a 20 pack of the nuggets and a large chocolate shake. I’m starved. When Reno hands me the bag he gives me this look like he doesn’t know how I’m going to eat all that. 

I do though.

Reno’s house is nice, in a nice neighborhood. With nice cars and fresh cut grass. There’s even lake access that’s private to residents only. Rude pulls into the driveway of a house that would be otherwise indistinguishable if not for the hotrod sitting in the driveway. 

The neighbors, on the other hand, have a very expensive looking motorcycle. There’s a blonde standing above someone else looking at the bike. They’re cute with short spiked hair and big blue eyes. 

When I climb out of the SUV they pat the other person on the shoulder. The other blonde stands up and looks over at us. The first blonde’s eyes narrow at me, while the blonde male just cocks his head and waves at Reno. 

Reno goes over to them and they talk for a second. I notice that the first blonde is much shorter than Reno and even shorter than the blonde man. I watch has Reno nods a few times before they all look at me and then turn away. Reno nods again and waves has he walks off. 

Rude and tells me to follow him into the house. I find Reno looking at something on the fridge. He pulls out his iPhone and texts someone. When he’s done he turns to me and smiles. “Let me show you to your room.” 

I slip off my shoes by the door like he did and follow him down the hall towards what seems to be my own private hallway. “Here’s the downstairs bathroom, it’ll be all yours unless we have company. Just try and keep it clean okay?” I nod at him and he opens another door, “This is your room.” He smiles and puffs out his chest like he’s proud of himself. 

My room has light purple walls, which is the first thing I notice. Next, I notice all the very expensive looking dark wood furniture. The matching purple bed covers and the overall nice design is what I notice next. “Oh Ren, you must have left some boxes in here,” I mumble kind of in shock.

He hums, “No. Go open them.” 

On the bed is a small box for an iPhone, I don’t think it’s the newest one but it’s the nicest thing I’ve ever had. Under that is a box with an iPad in it. I look at him with wide eyes and a slack jaw and he laughs, “Don’t worry brother, I could afford them.” 

I shake my head at him and rip the boxes open. Reno helps me set them both up and tells me not to worry about data or anything because he always buys the unlimited unlimited plan. The iPad he hooks up to the house’s wifi.

I lean against him and hug him slightly. He rests his head on top of mine. “You’re welcome little bro.” 

Rude brings in my bags and sets them down gently on the floor. “Do you like the purple?” He asks. “Reno said it was your favorite color but…” Rude shakes his head, “Is it too much?” 

Reno has this smile on his face and I can’t place it. It’s loving.

“Yeah, it’s fine. I like it.” 

“Good.” Rude turns to leave and Reno gets up and follows him.

“I’ll be out here if you need me.” 

I put Demyx’s number in my new phone alongside Reno and Rudes. I text Demyx asking if his phone is charged yet and we text back and forth for a while. A sudden rush of tiredness comes over me and I lay back in bed. This is the most comfortable bed I’ve ever been on. 

There is a knock on my door sometime later in the afternoon. I stir awake and sit up in bed seeing Reno opening the door slightly. “Dinner time.” He mumbles. 

“Okay, thanks.” 

He closes the door after that and I slowly get up and stretch. I walk out to the dining room and sit down in the only empty seat. Reno and Rude look at me and I shrink back against my chair. “Uh…” 

“Dig in everyone.” Rude says grabbing some food off of the serving plate in the middle of the table. 

They made some ham with raisin sauce, rolls, and green beans. It’s kind of awkward being alone with my brother now. I’m not used to it. He left me when I was 11 and he was 18. Now that I’m an adult I feel a little bitter. 

Looking at him with his little family and his nice house just makes me feel jealous. While he was off developing himself I was stuck being tormented and abused. The food ends up covering up the bitter taste in my mouth but hearing Reno and Rude’s small talk about what seems to be nothing just makes my stomach sour. 

I think Reno can tell I’m in a sour mood because he follows me back to my room when I decide to go to bed. “Hey, Ax.” He says grabbing my arm. I turn and face him.

“Yes?” 

His eye twitches at my tone but other than that you couldn’t tell if he even noticed. “Want to watch TV with Rude and I?” He asks.

I start to feel guilty for my bitterness. “Uh, no I’m okay.” I rub the back of my neck, “I think I’ll just go to sleep.” 

Reno nods, “Alright. Feel free to listen to music or whatever.” He reaches out and we hug awkwardly. “Goodnight.” 

“Night…” I mumble trailing off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friends don't let friends kiss while on Ambien...

My alarm clock is more of a joke at this point. I have it set to six am just so I know when I can go play video games downstairs without waking anyone up. Sure Cloud will still be asleep, but he can sleep through anything.

Squall, on the other hand, can’t. 

I feel like I might have woken him up when I feel a strong hand grip my shoulder as I walk down the stairs. When I turn and look at him though he just raises his eyebrow. “Mornin’.” He mumbles walking past me down the stairs. 

“Good morning,” I mumble back. I follow him down to the kitchen where we both go about making our breakfast. He makes a cup of coffee and drowns it black while I grimace at my waffles. “Can I have some?” I ask looking pointedly at Squall coffee.

He raises an eyebrow again and he sets his coffee down on the counter. “When did you sleep last?” 

I bite my lip and lie to him, “Last night.” 

He chuckles, “Yeah, right.” 

I huff and roll my eyes. My waffles pop out of the toaster and I jump a little bit at the sound of it. Squall pats my back lightly and I let a sad smile cross my face. My dog Daisy comes bounding down the stairs and trots over to me. She nudges my leg gently and I pet her head. 

After hooking her to her leash, I slip on my shoes and grab my waffles. She needs to go for her morning walk. I stand in the middle of the front lawn when I notice a red-haired man standing in Reno’s driveway. 

It is obviously not Reno judging by the longer spiked back wild hair and the bright green eyes that seem glazed over. I let go of Daisy’s leash and walk over to him. I remember Cloud saying something about Reno having a brother who was...sick. Sick like me I guess. Daisy will do her business and follow me, she’s a service dog and she’s very well trained.

“Hey, you okay?” I ask coming closer to the man. He’s tall but has a young looking face. It’s all angles and points. He has two upside-down triangles under his eyes which kind of makes him look a bit like a clown. I won't say that to him though.

He looks over at me and cocks his head. “No.” 

I scrunch my eyebrows together and as I reach him I notice how damn tall he is. Like a bean pole. Skinny, lanky and tall. “What’s wrong?” 

Just then the front door to Reno’s house slams open and Reno (who is dressed in PJ pants) comes running out. Once he spots this man he stops and breathes a sigh of relief. “Shit Axel, what the hell are you doing out here?” 

‘Axel’ stares at him with a blank expression. “I uh…” 

Reno cuts him off. “Dude the only rule in my house is to say when you leave. Just tell someone. If you wanted to go for a walk all you had to do was ask I would have let you.” Axel tries to talk a few times but keeps getting cut off by Reno. 

Axel looks confused and scared and I put my hand out to Reno’s chest and stop him from talking. “Roxas? What are you doing out here?” He asks as he finally stops talking.

I look back at Daisy who is sniffing around my front yard. “Taking my dog to shit.” 

“Shit,” Axel repeats. His eyes are still blank. 

“Oh,” Reno says. We both look at Axel who seems almost like he’s stoned. “Anyway, Axel I told you the rules why are you out here.” Reno’s tone is still harsh and I glare at him.

“Dude, there’s something wrong,” I say pushing Reno's arm. “Look at him.” 

Reno watches Axel for a minute who looks down at me. I can almost swear his eyes turn into little hearts when he sees me. “Hey…” He mumbles cocking his head. He leans down and presses his lips against mine. His are soft and the kiss is slow and sweet. 

I’m kind of stunned into not moving a little bit. I kiss him back a little bit before my mind kicks in and I push him away. Reno is staring at us with wide eyes and when Axel wraps his arms around me I give him a look and say, “Uh, help me?” 

“Axel, Axel!” Reno pulls him off of me and Axel trips and falls to the ground. 

He looks up at Reno with wide scared eyes and starts to cower in fear. He holds his head in his hands and starts to rock back and forth. Rude comes out of the house and I notice Squall looks out the door. 

I take a few steps back and Rude comes and kneels down in front of Axel. “He took too much Ambien.” He mumbles to Reno. “He just needs to get to bed.” Rude picks Axel up and carries him into the house.

Reno looks back at me and rubs the back of his neck, “Sorry about him.” 

I shake my head, “It’s fine. I’ve done the whole Ambien thing before.” 

Reno swallows and lets out a sad sounding laugh. “Yeah, uh…” He crosses his arms over his bare chest, “Are you still coming to movie night?” 

“Yeah,” I say nodding. “Is anyone else going to be coming over?”

Reno nods, “Yeah, Sephiroth and Riku. Is your brother still coming?” 

I nod again, “Sora? Yeah. He should be.” 

“Cool cool…” He trails off and looks towards his house, “Well I guess I’ll be going yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

Reno smiles slightly, “See ya.”

“Bye.” He turns and walks inside. Squall whistles and I turn and go back inside. Gods what a crazy morning.

\-- 

It’s weird seeing Cloud in a caretaking position. Not only does he take care of me, but he takes care of Squall too. Squall works yeah, he owns his own bakery, but Squall needs lots of help with other stuff. Like simple things he doesn’t remember how to do.

Squall was in the military alongside Cloud. Cloud and Squall were both in the same truck when it blew up. Cloud got stuck with a metal rod in his leg and Squall got stuck with a traumatic brain injury and PTSD. They both have PTSD, but that’s not really the point.

When they were discharged Squall came to the VA hospital where Cloud was recovering with 12 dozen roses and proposed to him right then and there. Cloud didn’t even realize they were dating or that Squall was gay.

Of course, he said yes though.

I was introduced to Squall when he came to the hospital to visit me with Cloud the first time. Our parents are dead, which was for the better. Sora had told Cloud about how bad I was even though I didn’t even tell the police what had happened. 

They had enough evidence to convict my abuser anyway. 

Squall took one look at me when they walked into the room and I could see a gear start to roll over his head. Cloud had to take a break but Squall stayed in the room and sat next to me. Sora had barely been able to look at me either so I wasn’t surprised to see that Cloud couldn’t handle it. 

The doctors wouldn’t let me have a mirror.

“You look rough.” Squall said seeming to be sensing my thoughts.

I glared at him, “Gee thanks.” 

He laughed, “Don’t worry. I won’t let anything else happen to you.” 

It was such a weird thing for him to say but my insides seemed to calm down after he said it. I kept staring at him and he reached out and brushed my hair away from my face. “I’m Roxas,” I say relaxing into his hand. 

“I’m Squall Leonhart.” He ended up rubbing my hair back until I fell asleep for the first time without medication since before the incident.

\-- 

That evening I’m walking over to the Sinclair household carrying a big bag full of bags of chips. I have Daisy’s leash in my other hand. Squall is walking beside me and I know it’s just so he can look at Cloud’s butt in those stupid tight jeans he wears. 

My other brother Sora texted me saying he was going to be late and I’m kind of wicked excited to see my twin. We are identical except for our hair. Sora keeps his longer and dies it brown, he also tans sometimes to get more vitamin D in his system.

Axel is sitting on the sofa playing on his phone and when he looks up and sees me his eyes go wide and his face turns red. I’m too distracted by Reno welcoming us into his house to really do much. 

Reno hugs us all and Rude waves from where he’s cooking meat on the stove. Reno and Rude both work at the VA hospital, Rude has a surgeon and Reno has a nurse. That’s how they met Cloud and Squall. 

I smile at Axel and he blushes some more. Reno stares at me and I give him a small smile too, “I won’t hurt him.” I whisper to him and he nods and smiles. Reno takes the bag of chips from me and I walk Daisy over to Axel. “Hey,” I say softly as Daisy sniffs his legs. 

“Hi.” He mumbles, “Uh, cool dog.” 

I sit down next to him and Daisy lays on the floor. “Thanks she’s a German Shepherd.” 

“Oh cool.” 

I’m about to say more when Sora walks into the room all smiles. He jumps in my lap and squeezes me tightly. “Roxas!” He shouts hugging me close to him. “I love you!” He always says that when he sees me. 

“I love you too Sora,” I mumble pushing him off of me a little bit. He flops to the side and moves to sit close to me. “Sora, this is Axel,” I say gesturing to the redhead.

“Nice to meet you! I’m Roxas’ twin.” They shake hands and I find it very cute. I can’t help but think of that damn kiss though. 

My eyes search his face for a minute and I notice that he must put chapstick on his lips to keep them that soft looking. I touch my own and blush as he notices me. “Sorry,” I mumble, I already want to leave. 

Axel doesn’t say anything. 

The room fills with people has more people arrive. Riku, Sora’s best friend shows up with his dad Sephiroth. They’re a weird situation. Sephiroth is only 14 years older than Riku. He was raped by a teacher who then left him with the baby. They seem close, despite Sephiroth being kind of a tight ass. 

My desire to leave starts to get worse as I get shoved closer to Axel. Sora seems to forget what personal space is and too many people get seated on the sofa. I’m practically in Axel’s lap by the time the movie starts. 

As everyone starts watching, Axel holds his phone out for me to see. It says ‘can we talk?’. My heart beats quickly in my chest but I nod and motion towards Daisy. “Follow me,” I whisper to him. 

Only Sora notices that Axel and I get up. Everyone must think I’m just taking Daisy out for a walk which I am. Axel follows me over to my yard where I let Daisy sniff around. “So what di-” 

He cuts me off by saying, “I’m sorry about earlier.” 

I cock my head at him and give him a little smile. “It’s fine with me.” 

Axel smile sadly, “I guess I just took too much.” 

I pause and start to fiddle with the hem of my shirt. “Did you do it on purpose?” I ask him, “Like…”

Axel shrugs, “Maybe a little. Not to OD but to get a little high.” 

I hum at him and walk over to his skinny frame. I look up at him and his breath catches in his throat. I reach up on my tiptoes and kiss his soft lips gently. I just meant for it to be a quick kiss, just in like a weird friendship way but his mouth chases mine a bit and we end up kissing again. And again… 

When he pulls away his eyes are glazed over again. “Sorry I…”

I shake my head. “Friends yeah? I uh had a joke but…” I blush and look at the ground. “If you ever want to kiss you can come to me okay? Just has friends.” 

“Friends.” He repeats. 

“Yeah friends.” 

Axel nods, “I can do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...they just kiss you when you aren't on Ambien.


	3. Chapter 3

I spend the next morning texting Demyx about what had happened. Roxas didn’t give me his number or anything so I’m still just a little confused on how I’m supposed to be his friend. 

Do friends normally kiss each other? I didn’t think so but maybe they do. I never really got the chance to have friends as a teenager. I was always the one who couldn’t leave the house or have people over, even for a school project. It must have annoyed people. 

Demyx says that it’s not really normal to kiss friends but maybe that’s just how Roxas is. He says I shouldn’t worry about it too much, so I don’t. 

Reno and Rude are both at work, Reno said I should text him if I went anywhere or that I should go see Cloud if I had an emergency. I mostly spend the day munching on the food in their cabinets and watch TV. 

Reno also told me that they were having _another_ get together after work though this one is out at a bar in town. Apparently, it’s a work thing but Reno doesn’t want me to be left alone for that long. 

He texts me a little picture of a dog with the words ‘get ready’ hovering around it. It’s kind of something I would expect my mother to text me if she was still in my life. I follow it’s instructions anyway and go to get dressed. 

Rude’s SUV pulls in the driveway just as I’m getting out of the shower. He comes in and sits down at the breakfast counter and starts flipping through a magazine. I pop my head out of the bathroom and he waves at me, “Take your time.” He says, “I’m in no rush.”

When I’m dressed I stand in the entrance to the kitchen and fiddle with the hem of my shirt. “Uh…” I trail off not really knowing what to say. 

“You look nice.” He says looking at me from behind his sunglasses. “All ready to go?” 

I nod slowly and he stands up and grabs his keys from the counter. I follow him out to his SUV and slide into the passenger seat. We’re quiet for a while until we get on the highway. I start to wonder where this bar is but I’m too afraid to ask.

Rude decides to start a conversation, “What did you do today?” He asks me drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. 

“Mostly watched TV.” I leave out the fact that I ate most the snacks in their cupboards. 

He hums at me, “Do you have any hobbies?” 

I nervously start to play with the ends of my sleeves and shake my head. “I like to read but that’s about it.” 

“Reading is fun. I don’t work has often as Ren so if you ever want to go to the bookstore just ask.” 

“Thanks,” I mumble and he hums again. 

It grows awkward but I’m too stiff to say anything. The bar ends up being a few towns over a place called 7th Heaven. It’s just a small place next to a tattoo parlor and a clothing store. 

It seems busy though. 

Rude parks the car and leads me over. As we’re crossing traffic he puts his hand on my shoulders and steers me inside. It’s kind of a weird gesture but I don’t say anything. I hope he won’t cause problems. 

Inside is packed to the roof with people. Rude steers me over to a large booth where Reno is sitting with a bunch of people including Roxas and his brother. Reno shouts out a “Rude” and stands up only to hang off of him and pull him into the booth. Reno must already be drunk. 

They kiss for a minute and I stand back kind of awkwardly until someone notices me. “Axel!” Reno shouts grabbing my arm and pulling me against Rude. “Guys look it’s my brother.” He puts his hand on my cheek and kind of shows me off to his friends. “My beautiful baby brother.” He says sighing. Rude pulls him off of me and I give him a thankful look. 

Roxas has his nose in a book and is sipping on a shake. His brother is smirking has Reno drowns a shot. Once he’s done he makes a big show of introducing everyone. “Axel, Axel baby bro pay attention.” He says patting my hand, “This is Zack, and his girlfriend Aerith. Then Sephiroth, of course, Tseng and Elena. Cloud and Roxas. You know Roxas.” 

Reno giggles a bit, “Guys did I tell you this?” He starts giggling again and hides against Rudes' arm. 

“You are the worst drunk Ren.” The man with the long dark hair sitting across from me says. He seems stoned face but the blonde girl next to him is giggling alongside Reno. 

Reno flaps his hand at him. “Tseng I am not it’s just really funny.” Reno takes a deep breath and starts laughing again. 

Another lady comes over alongside one of the men from last night. “Cloud I found your lost puppy.” 

The lost puppy smiles and kisses the lady’s cheek. “Thank you, Tifa.” 

“Your welcome Squall.” 

‘Squall’ sits down next to me and gives me a small smile. 

“Around round here for those drinking?” Tifa asks pulling out a ticket sheet. 

Reno nods enthusiastically and Tifa takes some of the cups out of the way. Everyone seems to forget what Reno was going to say and they continue on with their own conversations. 

At one point Roxas asks to slip outside and motions for me to follow him. I start to worry because I know for a fact that I’m not gay. I don’t like having sex with men and the fear overcomes me has my heart beats quickly in my chest that maybe he thinks I’m gay because I kissed him. 

I have to apologize again. 

He has his dog with him when we get outside the bar he stops to let her sniff a patch of grass. “It gets wild in there.” He says rocking back on his heels. “I always need to take a breather.” 

I nod and bite my lip. “I’m not gay,” I mutter softly. 

Roxas looks at me with a strange look on his face. “What?”

I take a deep breath and say, “I’m not gay. I don’t like men… in that way. I’m straight.”

He gets this little smile on his face and I blush brightly. “That’s cool. I’m not gay either. Not technically anyway.” 

“Oh.” 

“Mhm.” He hums, “Want to take a walk? There’s a cool spot that overlooks the city just around the corner.” 

“Sure.” 

We walk down the street and for a second I worry that Reno will wonder where I am and get mad. I’m with someone safe though so I try not to think about it. We stop at this little grassy area with a park bench that overlooks the entire city. You can see the lake in the distance and even the mountains behind that. It’s really pretty.

Roxas sits down on the bench and motions for me to sit next to him. I do and we sit together in silence. After a few minutes, I break the silence because I can’t stand it. “That’s not to say I don’t like kissing you- as a friend I mean. Like…” we look at each other, “that doesn’t have to stop.” 

I swallow thickly and he nods with a small playful smirk on his face. “Alright, sounds good to me.” 

“Yeah.” 

When we get back to the bar Roxas goes back to his seat between Cloud but is joined by Squall. I’m sitting on the end next to Rude trying to watch him. I get a message from Demyx about him finally being able to leave tomorrow and how excited he is. 

I focus in on him. He’s leaving to live with his longtime boyfriend Xigbar who lives in New Hampshire. I’m a little nervous about him just because I’ve never met Xigbar and I want Demyx to be safe and happy. Apparently, Xigbar is a really good guy though. 

People start to leave has the bar crowd gets a little rowdier. I noticed no one else got nearly had drunk has Reno did or if they did they didn’t show it has badly. Reno sits up front and giggles the entire way home. Rude has to continually move his hands off of him and keeps reminding him that I’m in the car. 

I wonder what it’s like to have someone your own age find you attractive. Rude obviously isn’t getting annoyed by Reno’s antics and keeps giving him sweet looks a playing along. What’s is like to be in love with someone who loves you back. 

Who doesn’t try and hurt you.

When we get home Rude says goodnight and helps Reno up to their room. I can hear Reno giggling from upstairs and decide to go to my room and sleep. 

I try not to worry about everything but it’s taking its toll on me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long time in between, I could explain but my explanation would be longer than this story. I'm back to posting and writing.

I’m outside with Daisy the next day when Rude comes out to check the mail. He spots me and walks over. “Hey.” He says pushing his sunglasses up on his face.

“Hello,” I mutter.

He nods at me and starts to flip through his mail for a second. I bounce back on my heels and stick my hands in my pocket waiting for him to say something.

When he doesn’t I decide to speak up. “So what did you need?” I ask him.

He sets his mail under his armpit and crosses his arm. “I need your help.” Confusion must be written all over my face because he continues, “I need help finding Axel a hobby.”

“Oh.” I mumble, “Why me?”

Rude sighs, “I can tell I scare him a little bit and you don’t seem to. I mean you two seem okay after that kiss the other morning.”

I blush brightly and give him a wide-eyed stare. “You saw?!” 

He laughs, “Yes that and Reno told the entire crew yesterday.”

“Damn him.” 

Rude laughs again. “Seriously though can you help me? Ren is really worried about him being left alone at home all the time.” Rude frowns, “You at least have Cloud at home with you. Ren and I can’t afford to have one of us stay at home though.”

I nod slowly and smile softly, “Of course I can.” 

“Cool.” He holds out his fist and I bump it with mine, after that he goes inside. 

Later that night I’m out with Daisy again and Rude is just getting home from work. He seems tired but he still stops to talk to me.

“Have you thought of any ideas?” He asks raising an eyebrow. I have to wonder how he can wear sunglasses at night like that and be able to drive.

I shake my head, “No not really.” He hums and rubs his hand over the top of his head, “Have you?”

He nods, “I have a whole scheme.” 

“Plan on telling me about it?” I ask after he’s quiet for a moment. He must be really tired. 

“Yeah, can I come in? I need to talk to Cloud about it too.” I nod and he follows me inside.

Cloud, Rude, and I sit down at the kitchen table while Squall is cooking dinner. Cloud is totally down for what gets called Operation Axel. Rude then tells us his plan. 

“Basically at the heart of this, I just want to get Axel out of the house regularly.” He says looking between us. “Schizophrenia can be a lonely disease and can get worse if he just hides in his room all day.” Rude looks at Cloud and says, “I’m sure you want Roxas to get out of the house too.” 

“Yeah.” I pout and stick out my tongue to which he rolls his eyes. 

“I just want to foster his interest. I’ve looked up classes on stuff but I want to see what he gravitates to first.” Cloud and I both agree. “So, whenever I’m not working I’ll take him places but I’m working a lot to make up for the lost hours to go visit him and I’ll need you two to help take him places.” He looks at me and says, “I need you to come with us because he seems to trust you and he seems afraid of me still. I need you to be a buffer.”

“That’s fine,” I say. 

Cloud and Rude start talking money business and they decide that Rude can reimburse Cloud if he brings him receipts. They decide that that’s fine and Rude leaves us after that. 

I’m bouncing in my seat with excitement and I can’t tell why. Maybe it’s the whole thing being talked about like a mission, or maybe it’s just the possibility of having a new friend and spending time outside of the house.

— 

The first day of Operation Axel takes place the next day that Rude has work off. He comes over to my house at 8 am and I greet him at the door with sleepy eyes in my pjs. I don’t even have a binder on. 

“Yes?” 

“Get dressed and come over.” 

I blink at him weakly and nod. The door shuts after that and I go and throw on clothes. I’m much too lazy to try and wear a binder since I haven’t slept in what feels like a week but is probably only a day. I just cover up my chest with a tight tank top and an oversized tee-shirt that I think belongs to Squall. 

When I get over to Reno’s house I knock and am greeted by Reno rushing out the door. “Thanks for this.” He mumbles giving me a quick hug and walking past me to his car. I walk in and Rude is sitting at the breakfast bar drinking some coffee and reading the paper. 

“Is he even awake?” I ask coming to sit next to him on one of the stools. 

Rude nods his head, “In the shower. I had Reno wake him up.” 

“Oh.” 

Rude offers me some coffee which I painfully decline out of the fact that I need to sleep tonight. Axel comes out a while later and his wet hair is tied back in a messy ponytail with a bandana wrapped around his forehead.

My heart thumps in my chest when I see his green eyes clearly. They’re so oddly acidic looking. “Ready to go?” Rude asks breaking our staring contest. 

I blush and look away, “I am.” I say cheerfully looking at Rude.

“What are we doing? Where’s Reno?” Axel asks, “Uh…” 

“Ren went to work.” 

“Oh.” Axel fiddles with the hem of his shirt. 

Rude stands up and dumps the rest of his coffee into the sink. “Let’s get going.” 

I start to follow Rude out but Axel stops me before I can cross the threshold. He pulls me back and his lips press against mine in a quick kiss. When we pull away Rude is looking at us with a small smirk playing on his otherwise stone cold face. 

I blush and pull my hand away from Axel’s. “Sorry.” I stutter out ducking my head. 

Axel ends up sitting up front and I sit behind him. After Rude starts his SUV he turns to face Adam and I. “Bookstore?” He says raising an eyebrow. 

“I’m down,” I say softly. I check through my pockets to make sure I packed my bank card and when I find it I sigh thankfully. Axel agrees and we drive to the bookstore by the mall.

Rude parks the car and leans back against his seat, “I’ll let you two go in first okay? So I don’t cramp your style.” He laughs at his own joke. “I’ll be right in. Oh and Axel,” He touches Axel’s arm, “Pick out a few things okay? Don’t worry about the price.” 

Axel nods and Rude gives me a little nod. I catch up with Adam and touch his arm lightly. He looks down at me and I kind of shrink down at his look. “Sorry about earlier. I just wasn’t expecting it.” 

He blushes, “No...it was my fault. You were probably just being friendly when you said we could kiss as friends.” He shakes his head and furrows his eyebrows, “I don’t get social cues very well. I’m dumb like that.” 

“You aren’t dumb.” I say, “I was just surprised. I meant it when I said you could kiss me if you wanted to.” He opens the door for me and I pass through. I take his hand and lead him over to my favorite section which is the section on animals. I didn’t bring Daisy today just because Cloud would be home and I didn’t want to burden Rude. I stop in front of him and put my hands on his chest. He looks down at me and his eyes seem a little unfocused. “I’m just a little shy okay? But I uh, I think it’s okay for friends to kiss if they want to. You know in other countries friends hold and kiss and it isn’t something weird.” 

“Oh.” He mumbles blinking down at me. 

I nod, “So uh, feel free to do that okay? I don’t mind. My limit is like sex or whatever but,” I take a deep breath and shrug, “A kiss between friends is okay.” 

He bites his lower lip and leans down and kisses me. My mind goes blank for a split second before everything goes kind of white and fuzzy. His hand lands on my hip and mine curl against his chest. 

I pull away when it gets to be too much and I get to see him open his eyes up again. The normally bright green is darkened by his dilated pupils. He licks his lips and I pull away from his chest completely. 

“See that was okay right?” I ask trying to break the tension. “A friendly kiss.”

He nods but he doesn’t seem to be paying attention, “A friendly kiss...yeah.” He blinks a few times and seems to come back into focus. He blushes and rubs the back of his neck. “Can we uh, look at books now?” 

I nod and wipe an eyelash from his downcast face. “Sure.” I turn to look at the dog books behind me and he moves to stand next to me. “What do you like to read?” 

Axel shrugs a bit and fiddle with his hands, “I like learning about stuff.” I look up at him and raise an eyebrow, “Like uh, mental health and...um… I don’t know.” 

“I can take you to that section, though it’s a pretty small section. Is there anything else you like? Anything you’d like to learn?” He blushes brightly and I nudge his side, “What you can tell me.” I pry. 

“I’ve always wanted to learn how to draw. Or do some sort of creative thing I guess.” 

I nod, “Their art section is really big, come on I’ll show you.” I take his hand and lead him to the stairs. We walk up to the second floor and I lead him to the art section. On our way there we pass some stuff on crafts and he stops me. 

“Yeah?” I ask standing next to him. 

He reaches out and grabs a book called The Pocket Scavenger by Keri Smith. “This looks cool.” He mumbles flipping through it. He blushes and looks down at me, “Maybe we could take walks and do this?” 

I nod enthusiastically, “Yeah!” 

We go to the art section and I help him pick out a few books on drawing basics and anatomy. Rude finds us when I take him to the stationary section. I’m explaining how my favorite thing to do is journal and helping him pick out a journal to write in when Rude comes up behind us. 

“How are you two doing?” I turn and smile at him and Axel looks down at his arms full of books. “Looks like you got some good choices.” 

“We did! I’m helping him pick out a journal.” I say looking at the tall shelves of journals. 

“Nice.” 

Axel squeezes the books to his chest, “Sorry I kind of grabbed a lot.” 

Rude shakes his head, “Don’t worry about it.” 

“I don’t need a journal, Roxas…” Axel says. 

I pause and look at him, “Oh...Okay.” 

We go to the checkout and as we’re walking out the door Rude leans down in my ear and whispers, “Thank you.” 

I smile up at him and wink. It’s really no problem.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW begining!! Also kind of a weird chapter... I wrote it so long ago at this point.

I’m kissing Roxas. We’re in my room and he’s laying on top of me pressing against my chest. I can feel something pressing against me there, but it doesn’t feel unnatural. My hands snake down his back and I grip his leg and hike it up my body. My other hand squeezes at his ass and it’s plump and round in my hand. 

He grips my hair and moans rubbing himself against me. Next thing I know we’re stripped and he’s riding me. His breast are bouncing has he… wait breasts? I groan as he squeezes around me and he starts to moan my name, “Axel….Axel…” He screams it and I jolt awake. 

Roxas is sitting on the edge of my bed and his dog Daisy is resting her head on his knees. “Morning sleepy head.”  
I blink at him and reach out and touch his face. He’s really there. I just woke up from having a wet dream with him in it and he’s sitting on my bed. “Can I have a minute.” I croak out sleep thick in my throat. 

He nods, “Yeah, sure. Rude and Reno are already gone. Cloud wanted to take us to Church Street today.” I nod and watch as he walks out of the room… His butt is really nice looking.

I stand up and walk to the shower. The cold water kills my erection instantly which is a blessing. I’m so confused. I’m not gay, so I think that’s why my mind is making him a woman. It’s been a few days since we went to the bookstore and Rude has taken us to do something nearly every day.

I don’t want to find him sexually attractive. It makes the whole friendship kissing thing a lot harder. Even though I’m the one who kisses him most of the time. I can’t help it. He’s… cute. Kissable. 

I’m doomed. 

Cloud and Roxas are sitting at the breakfast bar talking when I come out. Roxas turns to me and smiles widely. I can feel my insides tingle again. I walk up to him and kiss his soft lips gently. 

Cloud whistles and Roxas pulls away, “Shut up, we’re friends.” Roxas says blushing and pushing Clouds shoulder. 

“Sure, sure. Whatever you say.” 

We leave and go to Church Street which I’ve learned is an entire street closed off to cars so people can walk down it and shop in all the shops and eat outside. Roxas takes my hand as we get out of the car. 

“I’m going to hang out with Squall,” Cloud says coming over and grabbing his wallet out of his pocket. “Here’s my card. Just get receipts.” He says giving Roxas a look. 

Roxas winks and smiles, “Sure thing Cloud.” They hug and Cloud walks off. Roxas is carrying a bag and it makes him look a lot more feminine. It’s kind of fucking with my head. Roxas waits until Cloud has walked off before leaning up and kissing me gently. “I never gave you your good morning kiss.” He mumbles blushing. “You seemed to be having a nightmare or something so I wanted to give you a minute to process.”

“A nightmare...yeah.” All I can think about is fucking dream him against the wall of the parking garage.

He raises an eyebrow at me, “Was it a good dream?” I blush and he laughs, “Come on you goof.” He takes my hand and we start to walk down the stairs towards the street. “Squall’s shop is right over there, so I figured we could walk down the street, get lunch and then meet up with Cloud when we’re done?” 

I nod, “Sounds like a plan.” 

As we walk I decide to ask him questions just to get to know him. Maybe that will solidify our friendship more in my mind and make him seem less attractive to my gross brain. “So, um, why do you bring Daisy everywhere.” 

He looks up at me and smiles, “She’s my service dog.”

“What does that mean? You’re not like blind or deaf.” 

He laughs at me, “No, you can have service dogs for all sorts of disabilities. I have her for uh, PTSD.” He kind of blushes a bit. “Normally I don’t really tell people why I have her because it’s kind of embarrassing.” 

I bite my lip, “Why?”

He seems to grow uncomfortable, “I don’t know. It makes me feel weak. I don’t think that about anyone else I know with PTSD though.” He scrunches his eyebrows together and shakes his head. “Just about myself.”

“Oh,” I mumble and he nods. After a second of silent walking I blurt out, “I'm autistic.” We both stop walking and he looks at me with concern on his face. “and well, I also have trauma induced psychotic features. I just say I have schizophrenia because it’s easier. I have PTSD schizophrenia and I'm autistic.” 

Roxas nods at me, “That's okay… I don’t judge you.” 

“Okay, I just…” I shake my head, “I wanted to get that out there.” 

“Mhm.” Roxas takes my hand and we start walking again. 

As we walk on I ask him, “So she can like go into stores with you?” He hasn’t been taking Daisy with us when Rude takes us shopping. Though Rude has only taken us grocery shopping and out to the movies so maybe Roxas doesn’t need her then.

Roxas nods, “Check this out.” He nods his head towards a store that sells some sort of clothing. It looks like a gay pride store or something. We walk in and he lets go of my hand giving me a small smile.  
The clerk behind the check out gives us a polite smile and spots Daisy. “Service dog?” When Roxas nods the clerk smiles, “Alright. She’s cute.” 

“Thanks.” He mumbles. 

We walk to the back of the store where they have a bunch of novelty tee-shirts that are all lgbt+ themed. Roxas picks up one that says ‘If lost return to the bear’ he laughs and I smile even though I don’t get it. 

“What does that mean?” I ask him leaning down.

He looks up at me with a twinkle in his eye, “Bears are like really burly hairy gay men.” 

“Oh.” He nods and puts it back. He starts to walk over towards a section of shirts with all different colors on them in different bars.

The store clerk perks up, “We have everything in different sizes in the back. It’s all smalls on the rack to keep from filling the store.” 

Roxas laughs, “That’s awesome thanks.” He searches through them and finds one that it purple, white and green tye-dye with a heart in the middle that's pink, yellow, and blue striped. “Oh man, I have to get this.” 

I stare at him nervously maybe he’s taking advantage of me by saying he’s not gay. “I thought you weren’t gay,” I mumble to him.

He cocks his head, “I said not technically.” 

I’m too confused so all I say is, “Oh.” I feel a little sick to my stomach. 

Roxas looks up at me, “Don’t worry, I’m not like… a creep or anything.” I hum and nod but he seems kind of put off anyway. He swallows and his hands kind of shake has he keeps looking through the racks. 

Daisy whines and he pets her head, “Is she okay?” I ask him following him towards the more nicknack section of the store.

“Who Daisy?” I nod, “Yeah she’s fine just telling me to something.” 

“Oh…” We start looking through the stickers. I find one that’s the shape of Vermont and has rainbow stripes on it. “Do you think Reno would like this?” I ask Roxas hoping to ease the mood.

Roxas nods, “Yeah I think so.” He takes it from me and looks at it. After a second he says, “Are you uh, homophobic?” 

He looks up at me with wide eyes and I feel a pang of sadness wash through me. “Of course not!” 

He cocks his head, “You sure? I mean I guess it would be okay…” He frowns, “I just don’t want to get hurt… or make a mistake around you.” 

I start to panic and my voice gets a little louder, “No! No, I’m not honest.” 

Roxas puts his hand on my arm, “Okay, okay I believe you. You just got so green when I…” He trails off and shakes his head, “It’s okay I believe you.” He smiles up at me, “No worries.” 

We continue to browse and Roxas eventually picks out two shirts that say, ‘I love my gbf’. I ask him what that means and he says “Gay best friend. I’m getting them for Squall and Cloud because they were best friends before they got engaged.” 

I feel kind of stupid asking but I don’t know these things. I’ve never been around any sort of popular culture. When we get to the checkout Roxas asks for a size medium in the tie-dye tee and a size large and x-l in the other one. 

The clerk comes back and hands Roxas the tee-shirts. “You can try on yours if you want.” 

Roxas rubs the back of his neck, “Hah how’d you guess?” 

The clerk leans forward onto their elbows and smiles, “Pal I can spot them from a mile away. Your pronouns?” 

Roxas looks up and blushes at me. “Um, he/him usually but she/her works for special people.” 

“Cute! I usually go with xe pronouns.” 

“Cool cool.” 

I’m so confused that I tune out. When we get out to the street again I just feel like running away. I just don’t understand. Why would Roxas want to sometimes be called a girl? What does he mean by technically gay? 

I’m just confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any editing mistakes.


	6. Chapter 6

I don’t hear from Axel for a long time after that day. Rude tells me he seems to have gotten sick or something and I can’t help but feel like it’s my fault. After that stupid store he seemed to close off from me and when we got home he went to his house and didn’t even say goodbye or anything. 

I’m embarrassed as all hell. It’s not that clerks fault it’s mine for bringing Axel into the gayest store in all of Burlington. He didn’t want to go into any other stores after that and we ended up just getting some lunch and going back to Squalls bakery. 

Shame fills my gut has I think of all of my actions thus far. I shouldn’t have kissed him again. I shouldn’t have been confusing him like that. Saying things like technically gay, not just being upfront with him. 

I ask Rude for his number and he gives it to me but Axel doesn’t text back. It takes a week before I finally see him again. Rude comes over just after Cloud and I wake up. Cloud invites him in and Rude asks me if I’m willing to go with him and Axel to the mall today. 

“Yeah… I kind of figured he didn’t want to see me though.” I say finally owning up to what happened. “I bought a pride shirt and I think it scared him.”

Rude frowns, “He's probably just confused.” 

I cock my head at him, “Why do you say that?” 

Rude sighs and shakes his head, “Axel was raped by his stepfather has a kid. It fucked him up a bit. Not to mention he’s… easily confused anyway.” 

Cloud speaks up, “What do you mean?” 

“His cognitive functioning isn’t all there.” Rude shrugs, “I’m not sure much more than that.” 

“Oh.” 

Rude hums, “He's been in bed all week sick, and then stayed in bed extra days because of depression.” Rude shakes his head, “He needs to get out and do something. I figured we’d go clothes shopping.” 

“I’m down,” I mumble. 

I get dressed in something comfy and nice forgoing a binder and loose shirt. You can see my breasts through it but it’s not that big of a deal to me. I just want to be myself and I’ll explain things if he gets confused. 

When I get over to his house Reno hugs me. “Oh thank god.” 

I pull back a little and he releases me. “What?” 

“You're like a little miracle worker. I’m so happy to see you. He won’t wake up for me can you go try?” I don’t know how I’m a miracle worker but I nod and walk down to his room. 

He’s laying in bed with his eyes closed and his hand on his bare chest. I can see he has a nipple ring which wasn’t something I expected. I walk forward and carefully sit on the side of his bed. He opens his eyes and blinks a few times and I smile. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.” He mumbles sleepily. “What are you doing here?” 

“Oh, uh, Rude wanted to take you shopping and Reno asked me to wake you up.” Axel nods and stretches. “Listen about the other day.” I trail off has he seems to notice my chest area. 

“I must still be asleep.” He mumbles.

“You aren’t,” I say furrowing my eyebrows. “Why would you be asleep?”

“You always have boobs in my dreams.” He says reaching out and caressing my stomach. “You're usually more naked though.” 

“Oh my god do you have wet dreams with me in them?” I ask him moving away from his hand. My heart pounds in my chest and my face burns with blush. 

He seems to sober up when I pull away. “I uh…” I stare at him wide-eyed and he stares at me back. “I’m still dreaming right?”

I shake my head, “No.” he nods slowly and before I can know it he’s jumped off the bed and is running out the door.”Axel wait!”

He runs past Reno and Rude and out to the backyard which is luckily fenced in. I try and follow him but he’s too quick for me to catch. Reno does though and grabs his arm and tackles him to the ground. They both fall and Rude follows me outside.

“What the hell is going on?” Rude asks.

Axel is hiding his face against the grass and his skinny ass is up in the air. Reno is laying on top of him pinning him to the ground. Reno waves at us to go back inside and I watch has Reno pulls off of Axel and they start to talk. 

After what seems like an eternity Axel and Reno come back inside. Axel goes to shower without one look towards me and my heart kind of breaks into pieces. Reno notices and ruffles my hair. “He’s just confused.” He says wrapping an arm over my shoulders. 

I look at him and sigh. “I am too.” 

Reno frowns and ruffles my hair again, “Give it time kid. That’s all I can say.” 

—

At the mall, Axel seems a little more laid back. He seems like he would have been a mall rat as a teenager. Rude follows behind us as we walk around from store to store. I decided to ask him what he was like has a teen when we’re looking through the clearance rack at JCPenney. 

“Did you hang out at the mall a lot has a kid?” I ask searching through the small sizes to see if there’s anything that catches my interests. 

Axel shakes his head, “No. I wasn’t allowed to.”

“Oh.” I feel kind of bad now. “You just seem comfortable here is all.” 

His green eyes flicker to mine and he shrugs, “I just kind of zone out in crowded places. I feel like I’m invisible.” He mumbles something else but I don’t catch and I don’t ask. 

Rude comes up to us and nudges Axel’s side. “Why don’t we go somewhere with a more fashionable selection?” 

Axel shrugs, “I don’t have a ton of money.” 

“Reno and I can buy you some things,” Rude says, “Don’t worry about the price. Just pick out some nice clothes okay?” 

They lock eyes for a minute and Axel nods, “Okay.” 

We end up going into the stores more geared towards people our age. We go into American Eagle and Axel picks out a few things. I spot some tops that I’d like in the women’s section and decide to try on a few of them. I’ll at least get some jeans while I’m there. 

It’s almost summer so I grab a few bathing suits too. I’m trying one of them on and looking in the big mirror outside with Rude when Axel comes out wearing a pair of khaki skinny pants and a nice faded tee-shirt. 

He spots me in the mirror and freezes. Rude turns to face him but he seems like his brain blanked. “That looks nice dude,” Rude says trying to get him to not just stare at me. 

Axel walks up to me in the mirror and starts to untie the top of my bathing suit. “Axel what are you doing?!” I say trying to push his hands off. 

He shushes me and pulls my top up tighter and ties it in a pretty bow. “It was too loose and the color is nice.” The top does fit better since he tied it tighter. The bottoms are just a little pink skirt with underwear sewn in and the top is a pink bikini top with lace covering the swimsuit material under it. “I’m confused.” He mumbles under his breath. 

I turn and face him only now noticing how close we are. “Why?” 

His eyes meet mine and he shakes his head, “How’d they get the lace to stay so still on there.” 

I know he’s trying to distract me and change the conversation so I let him. “I think they use magic.” 

He nods and tugs on it a little bit, “Must be.” I think we both realize at the same time that he just touched my boob and he freezes.

Rude coughs in the background and I slip away from Axel. “You look nice dude,” I mumble putting my hand on his back. “You should get these.” He nods deftly and I make my back to my dressing room.

Rude grabs my arm as I pass, “You look nice too.” He mumbles smiling.

“Thanks,” I whisper. 

After going into American Eagle we decide to get go home since it’s a movie night for our group of friends. It’s the one monthly one where we all get food first and go to the theater after. 

When we get home Axel stops me before I can go back to my place. “Wait, Roxas.” He says, “Can we talk?” He looks over at his house where Rude is currently being greeted by Reno with a huge kiss. “Alone?” 

I nod, “Sure thing.” He takes my hand and we walk into my house. “My room?” I ask when he stops seeming confused as to where to go next.

He looks around and shakes his head. “Here is fine.” 

“Okay.” He lets go of my hand and rubs the back of his neck. 

“Look about today…” He trails off and takes a minute to start speaking again. I let him try and get the words out. “It was just a surprise is all okay? Like I don’t have like…” He blushes and looks down at the ground. “Okay maybe I uh ...have had some dreams about you but it’s.” He rubs his hands over his face. “Please don’t hate me. I’m sorry I touched your uh, boob.” 

I giggle internally but keep a serious face outwardly. “Don’t worry Axel. You can’t help that kind of stuff.” 

He nods slowly, “It was just weird to me to see that you have a body like…” He trails off again and looks over me, “like in my dreams.” 

I poke his chest and try and make a joke, “I’m sure I’m not nearly had sexy as you think.” 

We both laugh and puts his hand on my cheek and kisses me gently. When we pull apart he says, “I doubt that.” 

“Are you flirting with me?” I ask with a smile. Would I be okay with it if he was?

He blushes brighter than his hair and shakes his head, “No!” He stutters.

I laugh, “Relax it was just a joke.” I wouldn’t be opposed. 

“Oh,” He laughs with me. 

He leaves after that and I go and sit down on the sofa. Only then do I notice that Cloud has been watching the entire time. He nudges me and I blush. “You like him.” He teases.

I shake my head, “Do not.” 

“Uh huh, sure you don’t.” I try to ignore the fluttering in my heart that’s telling me Cloud is right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :^) still burning.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy International Nonbinary Day!

When I get back to Reno’s house I go to my room to lay down but Reno follows me. I flop on my bed with my knees landing on the ground and he sits down next to me. “Have you thought any more about what I’ve said?” 

“No,” I mumble into my blanket. “I don’t want to.” 

Reno plays with my hair a bit and pats my back. “Maybe you should try and think about it now before we leave?” 

I nod and he stands up before he can leave though I look up at him and ask, “What time do we leave?” 

“We’re getting dinner at 5:30.” He says, “Maybe wear some of your nice new clothes it’ll make you feel better.” 

“Yeah,” I mumble putting my head back down against the blanket. 

When I wake up to Reno knocking on my door I kind of startle awake. My knees bang against the edge of the bed and yelp in pain. “Everything okay?” Rude asks from out in the hallway. 

“Yes,” I mumble causing Ren to yell out that we’re fine. I look up at him and try and sit up on the bed but just give up and sit on the floor. 

He comes over and sits on the floor next to me. He fiddles around in his pocket for a second before pulling out a package of cigarettes and a lighter. “Want one?” He asks with sincerity written all over his face.

I give him a confused look but take one anyway. He lights it for me and I take a drag. After he lights his own he says, “Rude hates it when I smoke in the house.” He exhales a smoke ring and smiles at me. “So I only do it on special occasions.” 

“How is this a special occasion?” I ask taking another drag. 

Reno shrugs, “I figure we need a brotherly love moment.” 

I smile down at my lap and nod. He ruffles my hair and we smoke in silence for a moment before I say, “I just feel so awkward.” I sigh and continue, “Not even just around Roxas but around everyone.” 

My eyes meet Reno’s concerned baby blues and I bite my lip. “Did you know he’s...he’s a girl?” I scrunch up my face, “I mean…” I trail off and shake my head, “I don’t know.” 

“Yes, I did...is that what’s bothering you?” 

I shake my head again, “No. I just…” I bring my knees up to my chest, “I kept having those dreams with him in them. But in them, he was a girl and now he is a girl and I’m..” I trail off and inhale a long drag.

“You're confused?”

I nod and we're silent for another minute. My smoke gets to the filter and I stub it out on the bottom of my shoe. Reno offers me another one and I take it gratefully. “I used to think I was gay,” I mumble and he hums. “Because of what Ursel would do, and hearing all this stuff about gay-dar I thought that he must have known I was gay even though I didn’t.” I shake my head, “I love chicks though.” 

Reno laughs, “Same.” 

I give him a questioning look, “Dude, you’re uh, involved with one of the manliest men I’ve ever met.” 

He shrugs, “There’s more than just being gay or straight little brother.” 

I look down at the floor feeling embarrassed, “Oh.” 

I can see the concerned look even though I’m not looking at him, it’s visible in his voice as he talks. “Did no one ever give you ‘the talk’?” I shake my head and hide my face in my knees. “Really? Oh, bro.” 

“Like I know chicks have boobs and vagina’s and men have dicks and balls but I don’t know about anything else.” I mumble, “I feel like an idiot.” I sigh and it comes out kind of angrily, “So I don’t get why Roxas dresses like a boy but buys girls bathing suits and has boobs. Does he have a vagina too?” I shake my head again and ball my fists, “I’m just so confused.” 

I can feel Reno’s hand brushing through my hair and it feels good. “Well… Do you want me to explain some things?” I shrug and he says, “I’ll explain some things, but I’ll try and keep it simple because we do have to go soonish okay?” 

“Okay,” I mumble.

“Some people are born into bodies they feel like doesn’t match who they are on the inside, right? Others feel like they don’t fit into the labels their bodies were given at birth. That’s called being transgender. Transgender people, like Roxas, will sometimes wear clothing of the gender they feel fits them best. You should ask Roxas about his specifics because only he can explain himself to you fully.” Reno continues to brush through my hair with his hand. “Some people go so far to change the body they’re in with hormones and surgery to make it so that they feel better about the body they’re in.” 

I take a drag from my forgotten cigarette and look at Reno. “Then why was Roxas in a girls bathing suit?”

Reno smiles and shrugs, “Maybe he’s one of those people that feels like they don’t fit into either gender category, or fits into both, or is something totally off the normal path entirely. Gender is fluid buddy.” 

I frown and fiddle with some of the ashes on the floor. “What about me?” I ask feeling even more stupid now that I’ve asked. 

“What do you mean?” 

My frown deepens and I shake my head. “Never mind,” I mumble too embarrassed to admit that I maybe have a crush on Roxas. 

Reno sighs and pats my back. “Get dressed brother. We have to get going.” I nod and crush the rest of my cigarette against my shoe and then hand it to Reno. “It will be okay, just remember that.” 

\-- 

We carpool to the restaurant, and I, of course, get stuck in the back with Roxas. Not that that’s a bad thing, but I feel awkward and unsure of myself and being so close to his intoxicating shampoo smell and those soft lips is making it hard on me. I just want to pull him into my lap and shove my fingers down his pants to see what’s waiting for me there. Rest my head on those soft looking full breasts. 

I groan and he looks at me. I blush and look away. I try to think of something gross to distract myself but he grabs my hand and all I can think about is how warm he feels. I look over at him and he smiles softly at me. If I wasn’t in a car full of other men I’d at least lean down and kiss him. 

“You okay?” He asks softly. His thumb brushes my knuckles and I feel like I melt into a pool of goo.

I bite my lip and nod, “Yeah.” 

He leans against me and I try and stay strong. “Good.” I want to kiss him. Not even in a sexual way just one of our friendship kisses but I can’t in a car full of brothers. He nuzzles against me and I can feel one of his breasts pressing against my arm. He pulls our hands into his lap and grabs mine with both of his. Our fingers tangle together and it feels like he starts giving me a hand massage. “You’re stiff tonight.” He mumbles, “Did something I say to upset you?” 

I shake my head, “Not at all. Just a little uh, nervous.” 

He nods and his fingers trail up the veins on my arm. “You can sit by me if you want. I don’t mind sitting away from Cloud.” We look at each other and his blue eyes seem so sincere. “I brought some stuff to do too in case you need to fidget.” 

“Oh, my parents always told me not to fidget. I try not to even though my last therapist thought it would be a good way for me to let some of that energy out.” I look straight ahead as Roxas brushes his fingers over my wrist scars. “It made me act out sometimes. That's why I tend to run away.” 

Roxas makes a soft cooing sound and I feel my body turn to butter. “You’re an adult now. You can fidget all you want. I’m sure no one would judge you here.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” He kisses my shoulder and pulls away a bit. I want to cry from how cold I feel now. 

We eventually make it to the restaurant, on our way in Roxas walks quickly to talk to Cloud about something. When we get inside Roxas comes over to me and grabs my hand. “I told Cloud to save us two seats.” He mumbles, “I kind of want to talk, is that okay?” 

I look at the rest of the group. Sora, Riku, and his father Sephiroth are already there and the rest of them are already walking to the table. Reno gives me an encouraging smile and I can’t help but feel like I’m the butt of some big joke. 

That thought brings my mood down miles. 

Roxas jangles the car keys and cocks his head. “Is it?” I nod and he smiles, “Okay great.”

We walk back to the car and climb inside the back. Roxas turns to face me and smiles, “I uh, just wanted some alone time with you is all.” He blushes and my heart flutters. “I wanted to just…” He brushes his hands through his hair and seems a little sad. “Kiss you I guess.” He laughs and it sounds so pained. 

Our eyes meet and I nod. “That’s cool.” 

Has he starts to lean in he starts to talk more. “Just like, I don’t know. I know we aren’t dating but I just really…” He trails off and cups the back of my neck. He’s kind of kneeling on the seat now. Our lips meet and my eyes close to the sensation of warmth that fills me. I grab his hips and try not to do anything too risky. 

“I just really needed to kiss you.” He mumbles pulling back a little. I open my eyes and noticed that his are glazed over and half-lidded. We kiss again and he climbs into my lap. His weight is comforting. I just try and stay calm and keep my hands on his sides. 

He pulls back after another moment and says, “Friends can make out with each other right?” 

I bite my lip and sigh, “I think we may be passing the line of friendship here Roxas.” 

“I think so too.” That doesn’t stop us though and we end up kissing in the back seat of Rude’s SUV until a Roxas gets a text message. “Cloud is telling me to get our asses in there.” He raises an eyebrow and places one more quick kiss on my swollen lips. “Come on?” 

Going back to dinner is awkward. Reno and Cloud look at us and then to each other and smile. Sora starts to talk up a storm about how late we were and how we’re lucky no one else has picked out their meal yet. Riku sushes him with a finger on his lips and Roxas’ eyes turn into a glare. 

Roxas pulls me into a chair next to him and tangles his fingers in mine and keeps them in my lap. I bite my lip and blush. Would I want to date him? I’m obviously attracted to him but… I don’t know if I would be attracted to all of him. What if he has a penis? 

Would dating him make me gay? Would that really matter?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been such a long time that I've posted. I know updates are really sporadic. I'm still in love with writing this story, don't worry. I had about 10k words extra but decided against going with that plot so this is it for the pre-written chapters. Going to try and catch back up!

While I’m focused on Axel and kissing Axel and touching him I’m also focused on the fact that my brother is cuddled up with Riku. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t not like Riku but he’s not my most favorite person in the world. I don’t know why I think it’s because he’s always liked my brother. Of course, Sora has so far been completely obvious to it.

Now though…

Riku notices my glare and leans down and kisses Sora’s cheek. My eyes narrow and I squeeze Axel’s hand tightly. “Are you okay?” He asks softly.

I blush and release my hold on his hand a tiny bit. “Yeah sorry.” I nudge Axel a little and pull over a menu. “Do you see anything you want?” I ask him trying to turn my focus on to him again.

Though that probably isn’t the best thing either because I can’t stop thinking about kissing him. I was totally prepared to go all the way in the back of Rude’s car. When I saw him start to get excited I couldn’t help but want to tease him a little bit. I just ended up teasing myself. 

After our meal comes Sora interrupts the conversation by tapping on his glass. “Um, guys!” He’s kind of all excited and I can almost tell what he’s going to say.

“What is it Sora,” Cloud asks taking a bite of his fries. 

Sora jiggles in his seat and takes Riku’s hand and holds it up with his. “We’re getting married!” 

I grip Axel’s hand so tight I know it must hurt but I need something to ground me. I’m boiling inside when I feel Squall put a calming arm over my shoulders. “You're going to break Axel’s hand.” He mumbles in my ear. 

I look at Axel and his face is pained, I release his hand and I can feel him take a breath. Everyone is saying how happy they are for Sora and Riku, and Sora’s attention is otherwise occupied. I wish I brought Daisy, but then again she’d probably be whining up a storm telling me I’m having a panic attack. 

Squall keeps his arm on my shoulders because he knows how overprotective I am of Sora. Sure, Riku is a fine man, but he’s going after my sweet innocent brother. I eat my food and glare Riku’s way totally engulfed in my own steam. 

When we’re done and we’re all walking out to our cars Riku pulls away from Sora and catches up to me. He grabs my arm and says, “Wait, Roxas.” I pause and let the rest of the group keep walking. “Look, can we talk?” He says putting his hands in his pocket.

I face him trying to stand as tall as possible and nod. “Fine with me.” 

“I know you aren’t crazy about me,” He pauses and I furrow my eyebrows, “But I really do love Sora. We’re best friends. I feel like we’re meant to be together.” Riku shakes his head, “I know this sounds stupid, but we’ve been friends for so long it just came naturally.” 

He pauses and looks at me for a response, “I just worry about him.” I say straining to keep my voice steady. “I don’t want what happened to me to happen to him.” 

“Do you really, honestly, think I would do that to him? What Seifer did to you has horrific.” I bite my lip and shake my head, “You know I protected Sora from him anyway. Why would I then do that myself.” 

I look up at him, “I’m just…” 

“Afraid?” I nod, “Look I get it, but you can’t keep letting you hold you back. You also can’t control Sora’s life from the sidelines out of fear. He really wants your blessing with this.” 

I cross my arms over my chest and look out towards where Axel and Squall are talking outside of the SUV. I can tell Squall is watching us, probably trying to make sure I don’t stab Riku with a stolen steak knife. 

“He has it,” I sigh, “of course.” Riku hugs me against his chest with one arm and I can hear his heart beating in his chest. 

“Thank you.” He mumbles. 

After releasing me he walks away to where Sora is talking with the rest of the group. Sora bounces up and kisses Riku with so much passion and love that I can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy rage through me. I’m so engrossed in watching them interact that I don’t notice Axel until he lightly touches my arm.

I jump and he pulls back, “Sorry,” He mumbles and I frown at him. “Uh…” He sighs and scuffs the ground with his feet. “You just looked upset.” He shrugs and looks at the ground. “Can I help?” 

I lean up and wrap my arms around his shoulders his arms wrap around my waist. “Thank you,” I mumble against his chest.

“Your welcome, uh..” I can feel his pulse quicken. His lips press against my shoulder and he kisses it softly. “Sorry you’re upset.” 

I shake my head and pull away slightly, “It’s not your fault.” 

I hear Squall and Cloud walk up to us and I pull away from him, “Come on guys. Movie time.” Cloud says grabbing my hand. Axel's hands slide off of my hips and I want to whine at the loss. 

I don’t know why but I feel so needy tonight. Maybe it’s all the people finding love around me. I feel so left out because of my past. 

Axel holds my hand while we drive to the movie theatre and when we get inside we sit next to Sora and Riku. Cloud, Squall, and the Sinclair’s decided to see a different movie with Sephiroth. 

Part way into the opening previews Sora moves the armrest up between him and Riku and they cuddle with each other. I stare at them for a while before Axel gently grabs my hand. I look at him but he’s looking at the movie screen. I start to move armrest from between us and when I do I move closer to him. 

He smiles brightly down at me and gently leans down and kisses me. It’s sweet and innocent. It makes my heart start to hammer against my chest begging me to do something more. 

I pull away a little bit and move to his ear, “Sorry for almost breaking your hand.” I whisper. I pull back and meet his eyes. He nods and leans forward to kiss me again. 

I’m getting really into it when I feel a jab in my side. I turn and glare only to see Sora and Riku staring at me with smiles. Sora’s is so huge he has to cover it with his hand. Riku, on the other hand, has a soft smile. Sora pulls me away and stares me in the eyes. He’s doing the thing where he reads my mind because we’re twins and all that. 

After a second he releases me and I move back closer to Axel. Axel grasps at my hand again and I take hold of his and tangle our fingers together. 

I’m pretty sure we’re way past the friendship line by now. I can’t seem to care though. 

— 

When we get home Sora corners me in the living room. “Who is that?” He says with twinkling eyes. 

“It’s Axel you know that.” 

Sora shakes his head, “No no no dear Roxas. He is more than just Axel to you.” 

I bite my lip. “We’re just friends.”

“Oh, honey, when Riku and I were ‘just friends’ we didn’t do shit like you and Axel were doing tonight.” Sora gives me this look and I know he knows I’m lying to myself and him.

Cloud steps in, “What were they doing?” 

Sora turns to him, “You wouldn’t believe it! They were making out like two high schoolers in the limo on prom!” 

“Oh la la.” Cloud days and I roll my eyes. “Sora has a point though Roxas, Squall and I never did that when we were friends.” 

“Yet you still married each other.”

Cloud rolls his eyes, “Semantics.” 

I cross my arms and plop down on the sofa they have me cornered against. “What am I supposed to do then?” I ask, I look up at them and they both frown in unison. My thoughts of being scared must be all over my face. 

“Just go with it,” Sora says, and Cloud agrees. “You can’t fight love Rox.” 

I lean back against the sofa and mumble, “I know.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry to say folks but this is it. The last chapter. I can't keep writing this fic and fighting with where it came from in my mind. Long story short, back when I was writing/posting the original version of this fic I was in an abusive relationship and I can't help but want to let go of the last part of my life that's connecting me to it (this fic).
> 
> That's not to say I won't ever post, because I'm bursting at the seams with ideas! Hopefully the ending is okay, I tried not to end it on a total cliffhanger. Thank you for all the support with this!

I start therapy today. I have a new therapist who specializes in trauma recovery. It’s a man named Vincent who Sephiroth suggested to Reno. I’m kind of nervous when I go and sit in his office waiting room.

I’m fiddling with my shirt sleeves when I hear the door open. I look up and see a man with long black hair tied back. He’s wearing a black button-up and black trousers. “Axel Sinclair I presume?” He asks raising an eyebrow. 

I nod and stand up off the stiff chair. “Here.” 

Vincent’s eyes flicker with an emotion that might be amusement but I can’t tell. “Alright come on in.” I walk past him into a surprisingly brightly lit room. There’s a blue sofa at one end of the room with a knit blanket hanging off the back. Next to that is a matching blue chair with a white pillow in it. Across from the chair and the sofa is a rocking chair with a small table next to it.

“Sit anywhere you’d like.” He says motioning towards the room. 

I sit on the sofa. 

He ends up sitting in the rocking chair and pulling out a legal pad and a pen. He crosses his legs and I fidget nervously. “Thank you for coming on time.” He says with a small smile. “I appreciate it.” 

I nod, “I like to be on time to things.” 

Vincent hums, “So tell me about yourself. Not your trauma just yet. Just some general things.” 

My shoes sure seem interesting. “I live with my brother and his partner.” Vincent hums again telling me to continue, “I like to draw but I don’t really know how to.” 

“That’s a skill that you’re always able to learn,” Vincent says and I nod. “Go on.” 

“I grew up across the state with my mom and dad. Then dad left and mom remarried with my brother was 18. He left then too.” I look up at Vincent and he’s writing something down on his pad of paper. “I don’t talk to my family anymore. Except for my brother who I live with.” 

“Understandable.” 

I bite my lip, “I guess. I was in a group home all last year. I just got out.”

“Tell me about it?” Vincent asks me. So I do. I tell him about everything he ends up asking me about. Towards the end, he starts to tell me about the type of therapy he does. It’s called EMDR and it works with using eye movements. He says we’ll need to build a strong bond before we try any of that though. 

Before we end I ask him about Roxas. “I like this person, yeah, but I don’t really know how to take the next step.” 

Vincent nods and hums and I feel bad for asking, he’s a trauma therapist after all not a relationship advice therapist. Before I can apologize for asking he answers me, “What do you feel like the next step would be?” 

I shrug, “I mean we both kiss and stuff… I think being official would be the next real step.” 

He nods again and scribbles something down on his pad of paper. “What does official look like to you?”

I shrug, “Maybe just more defined boundaries?” 

“Why don’t you sit them down and ask them to define some boundaries with you then? Would that help? Maybe it could even be a date of sorts.” 

I smile softly, “Yeah that could work. Thanks, Vincent.” 

“Not a problem.” 

When I get out to the car Reno is waiting for me texting on his phone. He smiles at me and I smile back. “Hey, do you think someone could drive Roxas and I somewhere if we went on a date?” I ask him.

He raises an eyebrow and I blush at him, at even having to ask him. Gods, I feel like such a loser. Before my mind can spiral he says, “I’m sure one of us could figure it out.” He starts his car and begins to back out of the parking space. “So you’re finally going to ask him out huh?” 

I play with the edges of my sleeves, “Yeah I am.” 

“Good. I’m glad for both of you.” Reno fluffs up my hair and I smile down at my lap. I’m glad for me too. 

\-- 

I decide to ask Roxas out that evening. Nothing is going on which I’m thankful for. When I get to his house I’m nervous. I brought over some brownies that Rude had bought and figured that might have been a good way to break the ice. 

When I get there he answers the door. “Hey, Axel.” He smiles at me and my heart melts a bit in my stomach. “What are you doing here?” 

“I just wanted to see you.” I say softly, “Can we talk?” 

He nods and grabs my hand, “Let's go to my room. It’s quieter in there.” Squall and Cloud are sitting on the sofa watching some football game and I wave to them as we pass by. 

Roxas’ room is a lot girlier than I expected it would be. He has the walls painted a soft pink, and fairy lights hanging everywhere. His bedding is all soft and pink looking too. He turns to me and blushes, “I like to keep a bit of my femininity I guess.” 

I nod, “Yeah I get it.” I say even if I don’t fully get it. He pulls me onto the bed and I hand him the bag of brownies. “I brought you something,” I mumble to him.

He takes them from me and smiles, “That was so sweet of you.” My heart races at the praise and it fuels me on. “What did you want to talk about?” 

His eyes are so big and blue I feel like I could drown looking into them. I lean down and rest my head on his shoulder being unable to make eye contact any longer. “Will you be my partner?” 

The room freezes for a second, and I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have asked him. Maybe I should have kept that question to myself. Kept the boundary undefined.

I think maybe it was just how I asked so I ask again. “I mean… like will you be my bo-girl-boyfriend.” I stutter unsure of what to call him. 

He chuckles at that for which I’m thankful for. The room seems to warm up after that, though he pushes me off of him. I feel dejected but when I notice he’s shaking slightly I just forget about my own feelings and want to help him.

“I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

He shakes his head but still covers his face with his hands. I want to touch him but don’t dare risk upsetting him even more. 

I feel like I may have fucked up beyond fixing and I want to flee so badly. I’m zoned out watching him shake that I don’t notice when he takes my hand until he pulls me against his soft form. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He whispers making hiccuping sounds. “Give me a second.” 

“Anything,” I mumble and he whines softly. “What is it?” 

“Scared.” 

“Oh,” I mumble understanding. “I’m scared too...Though probably not in the same way.” 

He nods and hums still shaking slightly. After another minute he pulls me into a hug and hides against my chest leaving wet marks where I guess he was crying. I hug him back tightly and he sags against me. 

“Don’t let go.” He whispers, “Never let go of me, please?” I nod and he pulls himself closer against me. “Yes...I’ll be your partner.” 

R

Axel keeps me in his arms until Reno and Cloud come upstairs to check on us. He doesn’t let go, even when they knock on the door.

“You two okay?” Reno asks, “It’s almost 10 pm.” 

I hide my face against Axel’s chest hoping he’ll find some way to stay here tonight. 

“Yeah, we’re fine. I’ll probably sleep over if that’s okay?” 

I can tell Cloud is concerned but he doesn’t say anything. He’ll probably corner me tomorrow if I let Axel leave that soon. 

“Alright, just be safe and shit. If you need me I’ll be next door.” 

“And I’ll be right down the hall,” Cloud says after Reno. They leave after that closing the door softly. 

After a minute of nothing but the sound of Axel and I’s breathing, Axel decides to speak. “Are you okay?” 

I look up at him and answer him with a soft kiss. “Yes, I am.” 

“Alright baby, just making sure.” My heart comes thudding to a halt in my chest when he calls me baby. No one has ever given me a pet name, and I love them so much. 

“Baby?” I laugh softly and nuzzle against his neck. 

He puts his hand on the back of my head and it’s all soft and gentle. “Was that corny?” He asks, “Or no good.” 

I nuzzle closer, “Corny and very good.”   
“Oh.” He mumbles. 

As I go to sleep that night my mind is filled with visions of a future that doesn’t seem so bleak. One that makes me feel like I’m able to be loved and able to love back. Wrapped up in Axel’s arms, I feel safe. 

I finally feel connected. Like a loose plug that’s been plugged back into the socket. It’s nice.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments, kudos, etc help keep this going.


End file.
